AltDotPop: Lindsay Lohan moves in next to Samantha Ronson, Adam Levine gets naked, Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift split plus rehab, a DUI and more.

Posted by Amanda Allwood on Mon, Jan 10, 2011 at 9:05 AM

I have been gone for a few weeks, battling the blizzard of 2010 — and, on a related note, the woman at the Southwest airlines counter at TPA — and then the flu of 2011. It has been a rough few weeks but at least I am not a celebrity. We have had break-ups, move-ins, boob jobs and the opposite, engagements that will surely end in divorce and nakedness. Merry belated Christmakkuh, loyal readers, here is a supersized AltDotPop, just for you.

david arquette is a douche
Mr. Courteney Cox, David Arquette, has entered rehab. Most likely he will focus on being a non-douche. This program was originally developed for reality stars Charlie Sheen and Brandon Davis, but due to David's high level of "being a jerkface McGee" lately, he has been accepted into the program.

Victoria Beckham, aka "Posh Spice" which I think should be her name forever so she never forgets her very very embarrassing roots, got her ginormous boobs reduced. LeAnn Rimes took the transfer of silicone energy and got herself a C-cup. They both look better; balance exists in the middle of all this madness.

Snooki is ashamed of her past, when she was blacking out in trash cans and what-not. If she stops doing that, the Jersey Shore is going to be way boring this season.

More craziness after the jump, including LiLo's new housing arrangement, what it's really like in the Playboy Mansion, my reaction to Macaulay Culkin's relationship status and more.

jamie pressly mugshot
Jamie Pressly got a DUI this week. Much like the "naked photo," DUIs are something that I will never understand when it comes to celebrities. We have seen it 1,000 times and yet here we are and you are still making the same mistakes and there is a less-than-flattering photo of you on TMZ.com and everyone is saying "I just don't understand why... don't these people have drivers or at the very least, cab fare." Get it together, celebrities, you have no excuse.

I almost wish I could go a week without a good story about Lindsay Lohan, but then again, no one is crazier than this wackadoo. She is seriously the Mayor of Crazytown in the state of Insane, part of the United States of WTF. Lindsay has left rehab and moved into a new place, which would be cool if it wasn't directly next door to her ex-girlfriend, Samantha Ronson. WHO DOES THIS?? There is no way in the world that this is a coincidence. On top of all of it, Samantha is pissed but Lindsay is all like "whoops, soooory, I will have my dad put up a fence. cool?" Yeah, Lindz, that'll fix it, I am sure. Nutcase.

Christina Aguilera's new boyfriend moved into the home she was sharing with estranged husband Jordan Bratman weeks ago. But Jordan just moved out — like, a couple days ago. She was reported to be allowing Jordan to stay for the sake of their son. Obvi, this was the best thing for their son to see. I can't wait til he goes to therapy at age 18 because he expects his high school girlfriend to be totally cool with staying in the same apartment as his new college girlfriend.

If you live under a rock or have internet set up with child-proof protection, you may have missed that photo of Adam Levine from Maroon 5, basically naked, for Cosmo UK. Don't worry, it's right here. Straight ladies, gay men and the curious, you are welcome.

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Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift have split up after just a few months. Jake blames all the cameras and media attention. All those posed photos, fake happiness and the threat of a Taylor Swift break-up song being written about you have to be a bit daunting.

Former Playmate Izabella St. James (her real name, my ass)  is telling America what it was really like to live in the Playboy Mansion with Hugh Hefner and the other "girlfriends."  Dead fish sex, no condoms, curfews and crappy rooms are all on the list of complaints. Has the joke "sounds like college" already been made?*

There was a mix of emotions when I turned on Chelsea Lately this week to learn that Macaulay Culkin and Mila Kunis had broken up. Let me take you through the scenario. I am sitting on my couch paying about 60% attention to the TV and I see Macaulay Culkin is on TV, "What has he done?" Attention turns to 99% on the TV. "He's single? That looks like Mila Kunis. That IS Mila Kunis! Wait, He is dating her? He was dating her. Weird." End scene.

*Not my college, I was an angel and not the Victoria's Secret kind, the kind that wore a hoodie four days a week and spent too much time in the library. But I mean, I had slutty friends so I know the drill.

Follow me on Twitter @MandaAnn and keep up with all your pop-culturely needs at @AltDotPop.

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