Top 10 horror porn parodies for Halloween (videos)

Posted by Sex and Love editor on Thu, Oct 27, 2011 at 8:26 AM

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Horror films are engineered to be the perfect date movies. The bursts of adrenaline provoked by the scare tactics have been proven to make you perceive others as more attractive. Plus the gratuitous nudity also helps get the blood moving. With the resurgence of parody porns, and the already ridiculous premise of most horror films, scary movies are the perfect target for x-rated spoofs. The below list of porn parodies to watch on Halloween was compiled based almost entirely on the trailers. The assumption is that if the producers could put together a compelling trailer without nudity, the movie will be just as good, especially considering that half of these films' non-sex scenes are probably contained in these previews.

1. PSYCHO
Psycho changed cinema, but when you watch the classic film today, it is boring. Given the trailers for the original Psycho and this parody, I would rather watch the remake. Capitalizing on the minimal production cost of the original thriller, this spoof mixes the usual parody humor with compelling and meticulous cinematography, costumes, and set design. On top of the polished and artsy aesthetics, we get the cross-dressing taxidermist Normal Bates made insane by a mother who told him he would never amount to a fashion icon, and the classic shower scene with a fully nude Sarah Vandella.

Zero Tolerance. Directed by Gary Orona. Starring Sarah Sloane/ Sarah Vandella, Kagney Linn Karter, Breanne Benson, Francesca Le, Katie Jordin

2. HALLOWEEN
"He couldn't have gone back to Haddonfield. It's over a hundred miles away and he has irritable bowels"

That's right. Michael Myers has irritable bowels, which goes a long way to explain why he is so pissed off all the time. This could have been the only line in the trailer and that alone would have been enough to make me want to watch it—that and Chanel Preston who is obsessed with me.

Zero Tolerance Directed by Gary Orona. Starring Chanel Preston, Carina Roman, Dana Dearmond, Lexi Belle, Lexi Swallow.

3. SCREAM
In a way, Scream was a parody of other horror movies. Scream XXX is a parody of parody porns. The only way the actors will survive is by following the porn parody rules, which seem to involve a cameo by Ron Jeremy, plenty of sex, and intentional bad acting layered atop bad acting.

Vivid and Axel Braun. Directed by Eli Cross. Starring Lily LaBeau, Zoe Voss, Sarah Shevon, Scarlett Fay, Jesse Andrews, Angelica Lane, Evan Stone, James Deen, Rocco Reed, Jack and Ron Jeremy.

4. FRIDAY THE 13TH
"A long time ago, they say some guy drowned in the lake because he had a giant penis. He went for a swim and it was so heavy that it sunk like a boat anchor. Legend has it, that huge cock fermented at the bottom of the lake. They say he is some kind of monster with flesh eating jizz."

What better attribute for a serial killer in a porn horror flick to have than flesh eating jizz, and what better setting to find murder victims than Camp Crystal Lake: a nudist resort populated by nymphomaniacs?

Zero Tolerance. Directed by Gary Orona. Starring Courtney Cummz, Sarah Sloane / Sarah Vandella, Kagney Linn Karter, Brooklyn Lee, Asa Akira, Brooke Lee Adams,

5. DRILLER
Driller tells the tender coming of age story of a sheltered girl, Louis (Tajia Rae), who is mysteriously drawn to the sexual rhythms of Mr. J—the less talented lovechild of Prince, Michael Jackson, and RuPaul. Onstage Mr. J lip sings to operatic pop songs while leading a collection of coked-up dancers who were kicked off of their drill teams and ballet groups for screwing their instructors. After the Driller concert, Louise is the victim of awkward sex by her un-Driller-like boyfriend and his "wanger." Sexually unfulfilled, Rae falls asleep only to find herself in a dream world where Mr. J transforms into a werewolf with the voice of a perverted Yoda and the most fantastic special effects penis ever to ejaculate fake semen in the history of cinema. In this dream, all pretense of a plot dissolve beneath smoke machines, trouser werewolves, and a presidential fuck fest in the graveyard. To really amp up your viewing experience, check out the drinking game I made for this 1984 parody porn.

6. THE HUMAN SEXIPEDE
The Human Centipede was so absurd that you would have thought it was a parody. It was not. The Human Sexipede is, and to its credit it looks like it makes more sense than the original, if only because the mad scientist connects his victims mouth-to-genitals instead of ass-to-mouth.

Directed by Lee Roy Myers. Tom Byron, Sunny Lane, Amber Rayne, Danica Dillan, Jynx Maze, Kaci Starr, Evan Stone, Keni Styles, Jordan Ash.

The Human Sexipede Trailer - watch more funny videos

7. SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
While I would much rather watch Kagney Linn Karter struggling with her sexuality on screen as opposed to a mannish Jodie Foster, the real selling point of this parody are the snippets of scenes with the cross-dressing serial killer, Buffalo Bill Johnson, his killer mullet, and the woman trapped in his well who just wants to get laid.

Zero Tolerance. Directed by Gary Orona. Starring Tanya Tate, Kagney Linn Karter, Alexa Nicole, Isis Taylor, Riley Evans.

8. ROCKI WHORE PICTURE SHOW
If, like me, you have never had any desire to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show, this parody may be a good introduction to the cult classic. That, and there really is nothing better than watching porn stars dance and sing to an original score.

Wicked. Directed by Brad Armstrong. Starring Nikki Hunter, Jessica Drake, Annie Cruz, Alektra Blue, Kaylani Lei, Kirsten Price, Puma Swede, Brandy Aniston, Nikki Daniels, Lucky Starr, Randy Spears, Tommy Gunn, Brad Armstrong, Ron Jeremy, Marcus London, Rocco Reed, Jack Vegas, James Bartholet, Mac Turner, Dick Chibbles, Brad Armstrong.

9. TRU: A XXX PARODY
True Blood is basically a soft-core porn for women who have delusions of eternal love and men who like to see vampires have dirty sex. For the most part, this parody seems to be a serious homage to the original, and yet, there is something oddly compelling about the parody's star: the club owner's blonde wig, which steals the show every time it appears on screen, even when it shares a scene with Ashlynn Brooke's boobs.

New Sensations. Directed by Lee Roy Myers. Starring Ashlynn Brooke, James Deen, Vanessa Naughty, Shay Sights, Evan Stone, Misty Stone, Lana Violet, Gracie Glam, Lindy Lane.


10. THE SHAFT
The Craft was one of those movies that made every teen girl start practicing love spells at her sleepovers. I wonder if this spoof will have a similar effect on the weird things twenty-year-olds do at their sleepovers? Probably not, but it does have plenty of naked tattooed women having sex.

BurningAngel. Joanna Angel.

BONUS. ONE-EYED MONSTER
This is not a porn, or a parody, but you would not be able to tell from the trailer. While the film may not show actual sex, if does have Ron Jeremy's 9 3/4 inch dick running around on the loose, terrorizing a group of young pornographers.

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Posted by imvsk on 01/24/2014 at 1:22 AM
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