Shy Love, the sexual strategist

The porn star turned CPA on how to use your sexuality to create success in business and love.

Posted by Shawn Alff on Tue, Mar 4, 2014 at 8:00 AM

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  • moneylovesuccess.com
Sheelagh Blumberg's reflective nature was often mistaken for timidity when she entered the adult industry in 2003. This misreading became the basis of her porn persona: Shy Love. While many of her colleagues were distracted by Love's voracious performances on screen, Blumberg was quietly plotting her many business ventures behind the scenes.

Blumberg's body and mind are tuned to give her a long leg up in business and love. She used her background in porn, as well as her dual masters degrees and her Certified Public Accounting license, to start Adult Talent Management. Aside from building a profitable business, her goal was to represent women in a male-dominated field. Blumberg brought this same business savvy to her personal life. She eventually married the wealthy man of her dreams, whose mind and ambitions matched her own.

Using her porn pseudonym as a platform, Blumberg recently launched MoneyLoveSuccess.com. This site serves as a hub for her many writings on how to create success in the adult industry and in love. I recently had the chance to pick Blumberg's brain on the finer points of her three new books: How to Make Money in Adult Entertainment, How to Land a Rich Man, and How to Catch a Kitten.

When your half-sister Diamond Kitty was breaking into the adult industry, what advice did you give her that you didn’t give to other aspiring starlets?

Actually when Diamond wanted to get into the business I told her no. She went behind my back and signed with another agency. When I found out, I was very upset. After awhile I decided that it was best for me to guide her so I insisted that I be her agent. I told her my one rule is to never do something for money that you would never do in your personal life.

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  • moneylovesuccess.com
You warn women about getting into porn thinking it will be a gateway to fame. What would you say to women who get into porn hoping it will give them increased access to famous people and parties?

5 to 10 years ago, I would say it was our lifestyle to be around famous people and parties. We would fly in private jets and see some of the most amazing places. Now that does not really happen unless you become a big name. I would advise any new girl to only trust herself, to only do what she wanted to do. I would tell her to hire a publicist to help build her brand. I would tell her she needed to be a strong person who can say “no” when necessary. I would advise her that, in order to grow and become famous, she needs to limit what she does on camera. If you do everything all at once, you will never have time to grow into a star. You will be shot out within six months and your career will be over.

All three of your books are penned by your porn pseudonym, Shy Love. Why? Has your background in the adult industry helped or hindered your mainstream business ventures?

On the back of the books it says my legal name, Sheelagh Blumberg. I used my porn pseudonym because I have a huge fan base and no one knows “Sheelagh.” I thought it was a better marketing tool to use the Shy Love name because of my business background and my achievements in the adult industry. I have been very lucky that my pseudonym has not affected my mainstream business ventures.

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  • moneylovesuccess.com
You included few personal anecdotes from your involvement in the adult industry in your books. In fact, you gave far more stories from your personal life in How to Land a Rich Man than you do in How to Make Money in Adult Entertainment. Why?

The best way to teach someone is through personal experiences. It’s a lot easier for someone to believe they can make it happen if they have seen someone else achieve those goals. I wanted people to see the real me and my vulnerability and how I made the impossible possible. Readers might have thought my pursuit of a wealthy man was emotionless if I did not include my personal experiences and emotions. I wanted readers to know I am exactly like them. If I can do it, they can too. In How to Make Money in the Adult Entertainment I did not think it was important to include my personal experience. The adult business is very strategic. You need to know what you're doing and how to do it. There's no time for emotions when running a business like ours.

Most men want the Madonna/Whore dichotomy: they seek sex with promiscuous women while they want to settle down with sexually guarded women who are less likely to cheat. As a former adult entertainer, how did you convince men that your porn star past would not negatively impact their social status, and that you could remain sexually faithful?

I am very conservative in my personal life. Many people I meet, be it women or men, are surprised by how well spoken, educated and business-oriented I am. Based on how I present myself, it's hard for many people to believe I was ever in front of the camera. What people confuse is that sex is not seduction. Seduction goes far beyond sex. It is about keeping him interested, being extremely confident, alluring, sincere, spontaneous, smart and mysterious. People assume that porn performers are as sexual in their personal lives as they are on camera. I make it very clear that porn was my past, and just because I had sex on camera does not mean I will have sex with anyone off-camera, all the time. When these men realize that I am not that easy, they realize that it was a job and not who I really am. So no, it has not affected my social status or any man from trusting me. My past helped define who I have become but it does not hinder who I am now.

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  • moneylovesuccess.com
Presumably the same women interested in marrying wealthy men would not want to sign prenuptial agreements. How should women negotiate this barrier to their financial security?

I do not think signing a prenuptial agreement is a bad thing. What these women need to understand is that wealthy men will want to protect their assets and I completely agree that they should. If they want to secure themselves, they should create fidelity clauses as well as a settlement of what they will receive based on each year of marriage if they should divorce.

A J.P. Morgan CEO recently responded to a young woman seeking advice on how she could marry a rich man. He said that she was a bad investment. In regards to the concept of women exchanging beauty for money, he said, “I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset.” You seem to agree with this notion. What logical reason does a wealthy man have for signing a marriage contract with a woman below his social or economic status? Besides love, what were your wealthy husband’s strategic reasons for marrying you?

My husband was attracted to the person I was. He loved that he could come home and discuss business and I could converse with him and decide the best action plan he could take. I made sure to understand what he was doing and educated myself so that I can be his equal. He loved that when we went to an event that I can go into it and be able to hold an intriguing conversation and stand on my own two feet. Women do not have to be rich to marry a rich man, but they must be educated and well spoken. Lucky for me I have two masters’ and I am business savvy and very book smart.

What type of guy is easier for women to marry: self-made millionaires or men who are born into money?

A self-made millionaire could be hard to get because he wants someone who can stand by his side and work as hard as he does. But they also like status and nothing says, "I made it," like a beautiful trophy wife and beautiful future kids. Someone born into money sometimes gets tired of the political games in relationships. They are missing love, emotion and passion. If a woman can give him all the things he has wished for and wants she can easily get him as well.

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You advise women not to marry a man for his potential, but for his current worth. If your husband was to lose his fortune, the smart economic move would be to cut your losses and negotiate a relationship with another wealthy man while your youth and beauty holds out. Would you advise such a move?

I would not advise a woman to cut her losses if her husband should lose his fortune. If he is a good businessman he will be able to rebuild and get back on top in no time.

With the advent of paternity testing, pregnancy has proven an effective way for women to get access to a man’s wealth, status, and genes. If a woman wants to employ this strategy, would you recommend she try to get pregnant early in a relationship while things are still going well, or as a last resort?

I think that a child should only be brought into the world when conceived with all the best intentions and love. I do not believe that any women should bring a child into existence in order to keep a man.

You suggest that women learn to think like wealthy men, reading the same books and trade journals, and even taking business classes. It would seem one of the best ways for a woman to land a wealthy man would be for her to embark on a road to becoming wealthy herself. Do you agree?

I agree that a woman should invest in learning to become wealthy herself when on the road to landing a wealthy man.

Do you think it is easier for an unattractive woman to marry a wealthy man, or to become wealthy herself?

I think men have different ideas of beauty. What may be unattractive to one man is beautiful to another. I also believe that it is very easy for an unattractive woman to enhance herself to be beautiful because I did it. Both are weighted equally.

Many theories suggest that men seek power, wealth, and status as all of these give them access to more sexual partners. Do you suggest a woman become comfortable engaging in group sex with her male partner or that she learn to condone his affairs as a strategy for landing a wealthy man? Or, will a wealthy man see a woman’s lack of jealousy and her openness to his sexual adventurousness as evidence of her low self-esteem and low social status?

I personally do not believe in open marriages or swinging. There are couples that do and if that is something you like then it is OK. I, under no condition, think a woman should condone an affair.

When it comes to finding a wealthy husband, what do you think about dating websites like sugardaddie.com, seekingarrangment.com, findrichguys.com? Are these websites primarily a forum for men to meet escorts?

Like all dating sites, it's up to the user to determine what they want from the site. Some want to find a soul mate, some want a booty-call and some are escorts. These websites provide an avenue to meet wealthy men, but it's up to each woman to choose the type of relationship she's interested in. I know a girl who met a guy on one of those sites. She is now engaged to her rich man and has beautiful children with him.

Women are drawn to wealthy men in part because they are better providers. However, recent studies suggest that after a certain level of income, wealth has exponentially lower returns in terms of a child’s success. For example, many self-made millionaires learn to overcome obstacles and adversity in their youth that helps them navigate obstacles in their professional lives. There is also some evidence that extremely wealthy parents tend to outsource parenting responsibilities. If a woman truly wants the best for her children, do you think it would be smarter for her to choose a moderately wealthy man over an obscenely wealthy one?

I believe that your children are a reflection of you. I spend a lot of time with my children and educate them and teach them to be strong. I think if you are good parents that care for the wellbeing of your child and their future, money will not affect that.

You found a wealthy husband after your first marriage ended. Do you think having your heart broken gives you an advantage in learning how to be more analytical, and less emotional, when it comes to finding a suitable partner?

I believe that my past experiences allowed me to see what I wanted in life so I can be more strategic when choosing my fate. I would not say I am less emotional. I think I'm just smart enough now not to let my emotions control me.

Which do you think is more challenging: landing a prominent husband or getting prominent media outlets to cover your books, seminars, and website?

I think it’s harder to get prominent media outlets to cover my books and seminars than to land a rich man. I can land a rich man without blinking.

In How to Catch a Kitten you mention how male pick-up artists are ineffective because they will never truly understand how a woman’s mind works. What do you say to people who use the same criticism in regards to your authorship of How to Land a Rich Man?

When I wrote How to Land a Rich Man, not only did I include personal experiences but I also interviewed over 100 wealthy men to get their opinions on what attracts them and how a woman could land them. So the book is based on what men are really searching for in a woman.

Many studies have shown how women are attracted to “bad boy” types when they are ovulating, while they are drawn to more “feminine” men when they are less fertile. These studies support the idea that the optimal mating strategy for human females is to entice a long-term partner who will be a good provider while having sexual liaisons with alpha males. If a man just wants to have casual flings, should he work on projecting more of a “bad boy” image?

I think that the “bad boy” image definitely helps men who just want to have a fling.

When trying to meet a woman for a one-night-stand, should men avoid asking about her relationship status, as this may force her to be honest? Or do you think discovering her relationship status early on will prevent you from wasting your time on a woman who will just use the boyfriend excuse later in the night?

Body language speaks for itself. If men spend time reading body language they would have the answers pretty quick. If a girl has a boyfriend she probably is already giving him signs that she is taken and not to bother her. The problem is that men don’t see or read those signs.

As the self-proclaimed "blocker" in your female group, you’ve chased away guys with inferior game. What are some of the questionable pickup tactics that would have worked on your friends if you weren’t present?

I have blocked jerks and men who are too pushy. If I was there or not they would never have a chance. The only thing that would have been different is that the girls would not be strong enough to push those men away. They would have simply gotten aggravated and left the venue.



Follow Shy Love on Twitter at @ShyLove and check out more about her books and seminars at MoneyLoveSuccess.com.

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